


1982 (English Version)

by vl_introspective_88



Category: Pet Shop Boys
Genre: 80's Music, Best Friends, Everyone Is Gay, First Kiss, First Time, First time having sex, Gay, Gay Sex, Hidden Feelings, Love, M/M, Pet Shop Boys - Freeform, Platonic Relationships, Sadness, Sex, Soulmates, joy, pre-psb, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:07:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22975891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vl_introspective_88/pseuds/vl_introspective_88
Summary: Chris Lowe has a crush on his best friend: Neil Tennant.Neil Tennant has a crush on his best friend: Chris Lowe.They met by coincidence one year ago, in a Electronic Shop. They have the same dream of becoming great musicians and popstars. But they don't know how to confess their feelings to the other without making things awkward.Until one day, the truth can no longer be hidden.
Relationships: Chris Lowe/Neil Tennant
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	1. I: Hidden feelings

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fictional story set in the 80's. 
> 
> Even though the characters are based on real people, the events in this story aren't real and no disrespect is meant. 
> 
> I really want to share what I write with people that I know enjoy reading fanfictions of this ship just like me...

Chris stared at him from the threshold of Neil’s bedroom without him noticing. He used to do that almost every afternoon, since he began to be conscious about the flutter that he usually felt in his stomach was caused by the feelings that had been growing in him since a long time ago. He frequented his friend's flat much more often to be aware of his ideas for the next songs they planned to compose. Neil had never realized that Chris was spying on him, he was so focused on the book he was reading or in his notebook with unpolished letters that his surroundings became temporarily non-existent.

Today, the curly-haired man was staring at his own songbook, maybe he was trying to write something new to show to his partner before dinner time. He had his black ink pen in hands, tapping the blank sheet with it. Surely, he thought his friend was watching television in the living room, or doing his college homework.

Suddenly, Neil Tennant took the lid off the pen, and began writing quickly, as if he had an attack of anger that he tried to suppress, but in his strokes, it would be the same.

Chris Lowe sighed silently, staring at Neil's body, the way he had his legs bent against his body while sitting in the small armchair that was placed next to the window. The big glasses before his blue eyes ... He was gorgeous, in a nutshell. He had no charm of a sexual nature, rather, he produced tenderness, a desire to have him close to protect him and to kiss him all night. The orange light of the autumnal afternoon that flooded the room gave him a greater appealing, besides making his brown curlers shine.

For Chris, Neil was what he had always wanted. He was so opposite to him, and at the same time so similar. The boy of his dreams, the one who would have wished to defend against anyone who bothered him in the school halls, with whom he would have like to hide behind the stands of the football field to share the first exciting kisses. The boy with whom he would dance the waltz all night (although Chris was not a fan of ballroom dancing, he would do it for Neil without hesitation).

He wanted with all his soul to get closer, and lay his head on Neil's lap, while he read aloud any poem or idea, his voice would completely hypnotize him and make him feel closer to heaven.

If only he could confess what he felt for him, if only he had enough courage to be able to release everything he had felt since he met him on that August afternoon, about a year ago.

"Neil ..." exclaimed the dark-eyed young man silently, peering out the frame. The desire to declare his love to his friend was so huge, a sense of burning and euphoria invaded him every time he imagined the moment of the declaration: After reciting a declaration speech —the most sincere one he could have given someone—: Neil He would hug him with all his strength and tell him in his ear that he loved him too.

Neil grabbed the empty teacup, which since three in the afternoon had been on the armrest of the armchair. He closed his notebook, put it under his arm and prepared to get up.

Quickly, Chris walked away from the door and hurried to pretend he had been doing anything but watching his friend like a stalker. He ran to the kitchen, and pretended to be drinking water in front of the sink.

“How was the match?”, Neil asked Chris as he put the cup on the counter.

"No idea, I fell asleep on the couch," Chris replied, and he didn't believe his own answer, he would never have fallen asleep while watching his favorite team playing.

"I think the university takes your energy off."

"Let's say yes," Chris just continued the conversation, while Neil poured himself a glass of water too.

"Do you have any new lyrics to read?"

Neil almost choked with the water as soon as he heard the question.

“Are you okay?” Chris slapped Neil on the back to help him. Touching his friend, regardless of whether it was casual or ordinary touch, that caused an imperceptible trembling, the same as one feel when you run your fingers through something you want to own (but you will never get).

He was so afraid that Neil was someone unattainable, that they could never be anything more than simple colleagues who met every so often to share the same dream of becoming famous. Thinking that a woman could appear in his life and fall in love with his dear friend took his breath away as if drowning in a sea of uncertainty and daily anguish.

"Give up, Chris, you know he doesn't like men", the young man said almost all the time to himself, with a sore soul and tired of suffering for someone who would never notice and love someone like him.

"Yes ...", Neil achieved to answer, the skin on her cheeks turned a little reddish, he took off his glasses to dry his tears from his eyes, "I wrote a new song; it took me about fifteen minutes."

“What are we waiting for? I want to read it now!”, the youngest one exclaimed excitedly, leaving his ocean of thoughts away.

They went to the living room and sat on the couch, side by side. The curly-haired young man opened the notebook and grabbed the pen; however, he was paralyzed for no apparent reason, and left his friend expectant.

"Hey, Neil, are you alright?", the question sprang from Chris's lips, when he realized that Neil had a trembling hand. The pen with which he was writing fell to the floor, and the notebook too. At the same time, the curly-haired man took off his glasses to hide his face with both hands.

Chris grabbed the notebook, and quickly realized what was happening as soon as he read the first stanza:

When I look back upon my life

It's always with a sense of shame

I've always been the one to blame

For everything I long to do

No matter when or where or who

Do one thing in common, too

It's a, It's a, it's a, it's a sin

It's a sin

"Wow ... Neil ..." Chris came a little closer and put a hand on his friend's shoulder, this, upon feeling the contact, made Neil to break the silence of the room with drowned sobs that wished to emerge with more force from the one they already had, “Would you like to talk about it?”

"... Have you ever felt that something was wrong with you? That no matter what you did, would it be wrong for others?”, Neil looked up to face Chris, his eyes were filled with a film of tears sliding down his cheeks.

"Several times, to tell the truth."

"Chris, there is something that nobody knows about me, and I was always afraid to tell you for fear that you no longer want to continue with this ..."

"Tell me, please, you're worrying me," the youngest man implored. Neil took a deep breath and exhaled heavily.

"I-I like men ...", the young man with curly hair finally confessed, covering his face again with both hands.

Chris was speechless for a couple of seconds, his mind trying to process the information he had just received. Was he serious? The boy whom he had a crush on since a long time ago likes men too?!

He was simply freaking out in the depths of his being. If Neil was not crying in a disconsolate way, he would have started to dance happily in the middle of the room and would invite him to join his euphoria.

"Is that why she and you broke up?", Chris dared to ask, without even thinking correctly. Suddenly, he remembered that, after knowing Neil a little better, Neil had told him that he had ended a relationship with a girl, just a few days before going to the electronics store. Two years had passed, and he had never seen him again with a girl again.

Neil just said no with his head.

"At that time, I still hadn't assumed what I am, and I realize now that I've always been, I've always been gay," Neil muttered without looking at him, “So many years I tried to repress my true inclinations, and I can't go on like this...”

Was it the right time to confess that he liked men too? Was it the right time to confess what he felt for him? What if he didn't feel the same? Chris wanted to talk, but he couldn't express what he wanted. Neil continued to tear in silence, completely immersed in shame and fear.

"You can leave if you want, you are not obligated to be with someone who disgusts you", said Neil, in a shaky and choked voice, wiping away tears with the sleeves of his shirt.

"You don't disgust me, and I don't care if you're gay or not.", Chris finally achieved to speak, “You're the coolest person I've ever met, I would be called crazy if I get away from you. In addition, you're my best friend...”

Suddenly, Chris extended his arms so that his hands had contact with Neil's cheeks: they were hot and humid, and he could feel how soft they were. They looked at each other for a couple of seconds, which appeared to last forever. Chris couldn't tolerate seeing him like this: So helpless, so sensitive and heartbroken. He succeeded to glimpse a fearsome sadness in the deep blue of his eyes, a feeling that was always present in him, but that had now manifested with all the forces that Neil's body was capable of harboring.

Would it be wrong to hug him?

"Neil ..." Chris said quietly, and surrounded him with his arms. His friend was shaking like he was cold. Momentarily, he felt that he also did the same, and laid his head on his shoulder.

"Thank you, Chris," the young man with curly hair murmured as he straightened, thereby breaking the connection they had for a couple of seconds. “In truth, thank you, and I hope our friendship continues despite this.”

"I ..." Chris wanted to tell him what he felt, but seeing Neil's delicate emotional state, he decided to keep his words again.

Neil sighed silently and put his glasses on.

“All days and nights trying to suppress the attraction I felt towards my high school and university classmates, trying to establish some relationship with the first girl that showed interest in me, to repeat myself again and again that I don't like men because I also a man and it is unnatural.”, Neil Tennant was speaking to himself, as if he was in a trance, completely forgetting the presence of Chris Lowe. “Dad, mom and the more traditional teachers said that homosexuals go to hell to melt like candles while the devil nails them with his trident; Susan, Philip and Simon told me sissy if I didn't want to play their violent games, a teacher asked me if I was soft...”

"Neil, please ..." Chris was finding it more than painful to hear every word that Neil's lips uttered. Now he was much more aware of how complicated it was to be gay if you came from a religiously strict and homophobic environment.

"What I wrote is everything I've felt since this began to manifest in me, this… made me feel impure and horrendous," Neil explained in a calmer voice, "and since then, no matter what I do, it will always be a sin.”

Chris had nothing left but to continue listening to everything that Neil had suffered emotionally, from the age of eleven. It was what was within his reach, for now, to be the person with whom he could vent.

When his friend barely recovered, he would have to release all the feelings he had for him.

Nevertheless, Chris Lowe wasn't quite conscious that that long-awaited moment would come sooner than he expected.


	2. II: Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole truth is finally revealed...

Neil ran incessantly through several streets, he didn't even care about what people would say when they saw someone running like crazy in London downtown, he just wanted to get away as quickly as possible to get rid of the whirlwind of intense emotions that was attacking him.

Of all the papers and notebooks in the world, why had he been stupid enough to write that confession on the last page of the songbook? Perhaps an unconscious part of him wanted it to be exposed, because he was not able to say it in person, face to face, without a lump forming in his stomach and vocal cords.

However, that form of declaration was too much ... bland. For a while, he was preparing himself psychologically for that moment, sometimes he practiced his speech as he walked in circles in the bedroom.

Now he already knew his feelings: Chris had discovered everything in the way he least expected.

An hour earlier.

"Where is the new composition you wrote?", Chris Lowe had asked Neil Tennant when they were at his apartment. They had gathered to discuss some songs that should have a new melody and rhythm.

"In the black notebook," Neil pointed out, he was connecting the synthesizer to an outlet. He had just returned from his new workplace. He was a writer and editor in a music magazine called "Smash Hits." It had been an arduous day, he didn't have time to change his clothes when he got home, because he had met Chris Lowe as soon as he left the _Smash Hits’s_ offices, since they had agreed to continue with the melodic part of the most recent composition they had made.

Chris grabbed the notebook, and began to flip through with frantic emotion, searching for the letters. By leafing through quickly, he accidentally ended up on the last pages, which had something written:

**_I don’t want it_ **

_Deep in my being, there is an inextinguishable fire, impossible to calm down. I don’t want to feel it, my wrong feelings enliven it even more; with every look, with every laugh, with every involuntary touch he gives me every day. He has brought me back to life. But I don't want to feel all this, my reason struggles with all its strength to fade those flames that make my heart suffer._

_It is inevitable, every drop of blood that runs through my veins boils every time he surprises me._

_No, I don't want to feel this fire, I don't deserve it! I don’t want it! I don't want to ruin what will never be between him and me ..._

_Chris Lowe, I know you'll never love me ..._

_Neil Tennant_

“What's going on?”, Neil asked, he realized that Chris was taking too long so he prepared to approach, “The songs are marked in red in case you do not know which...”, he stopped dead when he was able to see what his friend was reading.

He had the notebook open in the part where he had written one of the many declarations of love for his best friend, those he thought would never be read.

The young man with curly hair was petrified for a moment, his breathing almost uncontrolled. Soon, Chris looked up from the book to face him, his lips were trembling and there was blush on his cheeks.

Neil felt that everything was about to collapse...

“I'm sorry!!!”, this was the first thing he managed to exclaim, before running away. He barely achieved to grab his coat as quickly as he was leaving the apartment as soon as possible.

He didn't even remember clearly going down the stairs, his mind worked again when he was already running down the street like crazy. He reached the south coast of the River Thames, and leaned exhausted by the railing. His eyes stared at the water that circulated beneath. It was a strong temptation to throw at it and finish everything once and for all...

Neil shook his head and sighed erratically. He still could not properly process what had just happened, his legs ached from running so much, a migraine was forming as well in his head.

Chris read his confession, everything he made him feel expressed in a couple of paragraphs. Everything seemed to be over, he would return to his empty flat, and he would never see him again ... imagining a life without him was a total catastrophe. No more nights and days full of laughter, whole evenings writing songs and playing the synthesizer. Who would listen to it? Who would he listen to?

And worst of all, it hadn't been even two days after he confessed to Chris his liking for men. He couldn't hide it anymore; it was a huge weight on his shoulders not to tell the person he trusted most in the world his secret. However, he had hidden the detail that he had been in love with him for a long time, that being with him was the best part of the day; the huge desire to hug him and kiss him that apprehended his body every time they sat very close to each other.

The warm sun of a premature autumn was hiding behind the buildings of the big city, the sky was a bit cloudy, pink clouds with orange reflections at the bottom furrowing the sky could be seen. At any time, the clock at Winchester Palace would ring the bells.

The soft and cold breeze fluttered the curls of the young man with big glasses, he settled a little to the coat and sighed again. He didn't know what to do at that time, so he continued to contemplate his distorted reflection in the water. The last sun rays were as comforting as the hug he had received from Chris Lowe, he wanted to feel it again, he wanted to feel protected and comforted by him, at least one more time.

“Neil!!!”, he heard someone exclaimed with all his strength. Neil turned and looked everywhere, and he saw it.

It was Chris, running towards him. Neil Tennant felt strong palpitations in his chest, and for a moment his legs weakened to the point of almost losing his balance.

If he had enough strength left, he would resume his career and move away from him before he told him something that he feared with all his being listening. Finally, Chris was already three steps away, dropped a hand on Neil's right shoulder, that made the latter suffer a chill from head to toe.

"Woah, you run so fast," Chris sighed when he caught his breath and faced Neil again. "Are you blushing?"

“W-what?” Said Neil in a stutter, touched his cheeks and felt hot as if there were fire under them.

_An inextinguishable fire, impossible to calm down._

Neil was not able to process everything that was attacking him from everywhere. He felt that his body was burning and that he was going to pass out at any moment. Going red in the face was something that caused him too much anger, because it always happened when the emotions of the moment were too intense to keep hiding them, from impassioned discussions with coworkers to being too close to the person he liked.

"Would you like to have dinner? There's a small Italian restaurant nearby”, Chris suggested to leave the awkward silence aside.

"I ... well ... ehmm ..., Neil couldn't create a coherent answer, "I didn't have my m-my wallet with me..."

"Don't worry, I invite", Chris replied, with a weak but honest smile. Neil was completely speechless, lowered his head and adjusted his glasses nervously. Shame was invading him; he had behaved worse than a child: An adult would face anything and never run away.

"Maybe a glass of cold water will make you feel better", the youngest added, pointing to Neil's right cheek.

"What is Chris thinking?", that question was repeated over and over in Neil Tennant’s head, as they headed to the restaurant his friend had mentioned. Chris Lowe was one of those people that one could never guess what he had in mind, his face was always in neutral or annoying mode when he was in a natural state.

Why hadn't he left him? Did he want to tell him or confess something?

The lights of the public illumination were on, the night was just minutes from falling in the city of London. The Nightlife would wake up at any moment, invading every corner without even doubting it.

Chris went into a narrow alley, and Neil followed him without protest.

"It's a shortcut, or we'll have to pass in front of that homophobic corner bar.", Chris commented in a heavy sigh of someone upset.

"Chris ...", Neil stopped in the middle of the darkness that was forming as the sun fell on the horizon.

“What's going on?”, Chris turned to see his friend. Neil was downcast before him; the youngest one was barely able to see his friend’s face.

"I’m very sorry for what you read in my notebook... it’s one of the many things I have written for not being able to resist so many emotions inside myself, I wanted to release them in some way", Neil confessed, tears in his eyes were quickly ready to fall, “It was enough that I told you that I like men... What I mean ... is that ... I love you, Chris”, he said finally, in a broken voice. “You have fascinated me since the day we met by mere chance in that electronics store. And it took me a long time to realize that the feelings I have go beyond the love that can be had between two friends or brothers of a different mother.”

Chris was speechless, that worried Neil.

"If you don't want to continue with this, I don't force you to stay, you're free to have a life without a disgusting being like me...", said the young man with curly hair, at the end, turning around, ready to leave. He had already said what he had to say, he had already thrown himself into the dreaded void.

"Neil, please, stop saying you're disgusting only for being gay.", said Chris, quickly stepped forward to face his friend and held him by the shoulder height. Without notice, he ended up surrounding him with his arms.

"I should have done this so long ago...", thought the youngest of them aloud.

“What?”

"This ...", Chris Lowe placed his hands-on Neil's cheeks and he could feel how hot they were because of the blush. In the end, he kissed Neil on the lips with all the strength and desire that was repressed for so long, and was finally becoming free.

Neil froze, unable to react about it. He closed his eyes and was carried away by the desire that had also been repressed in him. Chris's lips were soft and humid, tickling him with every touch that was generated between them.

Both young men lost track of time, to the point of not knowing for certain if they were together for ten seconds or five minutes. Finally, they let go, almost suffocated by the lack of air.

"I love you too, Neil," Chris confessed, with words that emerged from the depths of his soul, “For a long time I’ve felt this for you and I didn’t dare to tell you because of the fear that you would reject me, until you spoke to me with all confidence about your secret... it was like a push that motivated me not to give up, that I still had hope of being someone more than a simple friend.”

He stopped his speech when he saw that Neil was tearing again.

"I've waited so long for this moment, I was sure it would never become real", Neil whispered.

"But it is.", Chris smiled from ear to ear and also blushed, “Hey, consider today's dinner as our first date.”

After saying that, they continued walking again, with more enthusiasm. They left their hiding place, and turned right.

"It's a magical path, we went in with a gloomy air and now we go out more than radiant," Neil commented, giggling, as he adjusted his glasses again. He couldn't take his eyes off Chris, even when they came in the small Italian restaurant.

"They told me it's a place with delicious pizza," Chris said when they sat next to the window overlooking the street.

Neil didn't know what to say about it, there were so many emotions inside him that fluttered in his stomach like butterflies on a spring field.

After ordering a medium pizza with two bottles of beer, they talked about the last songs they had been recording as demos.

"I think the most decent one is Opportunities, and I'd like to finish as soon as possible the newest you wrote: ‘It's a sin’", Chris said, nibbling at a finger.

"Do you think it’s worth it?" In my opinion, nobody will like to hear it.”, Neil's voice was unmotivated, “Who would waste their time listening to the anguish of someone who was once a resentful teenager?”

"Believe me, many are going to feel identified," said the youngest one, with a smile drawn on his face. If there were no people around him, he would grab Neil by the hands and give him another kiss.

"Well, I really hope we achieve something", Neil thought out loud, and looked at Chris. “You know, when I went to school, I fantasized about the idea of being famous, like David Bowie or The Beatles, and squeezing my success in the face of all those idiots who bothered me for six years.”

"Did they go overboard with you?”, asked Chris.

"Not really, I wasn't the favorite victim for their heavy jokes, they were simply a rock in the shoe", Neil explained, “The key for me was always not to lower my head and to turn a deaf ear. I always repeated to myself in mind: ‘You will stay here, with miserable works while I will be a pop star who will live in London or in New York.’”

Chris laughed, and Neil too.

"Well, I promise you that together we will make our dreams come true," Chris Lowe murmured to Neil Tennant. That made the nerdy young man to smile widely.

In his mind, he imagined that he grabbed his hand and kissed him on the cheek again.


	3. III: Nervously

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though everything was already said, Neil and Chris are nervous for what would come next...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the last part of this story (with the mature content)
> 
> I hope you will like it!!! :D

Not even two minutes passed after they had returned to the apartment, and they were already lying on top of each other on the living room couch.

Chris had pounced on Neil, like a cat catching a mouse that it had long wished to have in its claws. He pressed his lips tightly to his, and hugged him around his neck. The youngest one of them dropped onto the cushions of the couch, dragging the young man with the big glasses with him.

"Wow, I always wanted to be in this position", Chris murmured, smiling, placing his hand on Neil's chest, “for the love of God, your heart beats too fast ...”

"I'm on top of the man of my dreams, it's justifiable", Neil protested with a nervous smile. They stayed in that position for a long time, in an uncomfortable silence, which was only interrupted by a car horn coming from the street. If they had to do something else, they weren't one hundred percent sure how to start it without making it strange or awkward.

Chris remembered the brief state of shock he suffered after accidentally reading Neil's love confession in the songbook. He remembered perfectly the way he looked at him without being able to scream that the last sentence was a lie and that he loved him too. And then the horrid emptiness he felt when he saw Neil running away from the apartment.

Perhaps it took ten seconds or more to react and run behind him.

However, now everything was completely the opposite of what had happened just hours before. They were very close to each other at the time, able to hear their own breaths

If only they weren't afraid to proceed and get to the next phase. Didn't they want to do it? Was it too soon?

Maybe yes…

Or maybe not…

"You're still blushing", Chris noted, also saying it to ward off the uncomfortable silence that had settled in the room. He stroked Neil's right cheek with his fingers, and they were still warm.

"Sorry, it's a frequent thing I can't control.", Neil's voice was that of someone completely ashamed of himself, “If there ever is a cure for this, I will take it without hesitation.”

"No, no, no… seeing you blushing is too cute", Chris said, stroking his soft blushing cheeks, “Never feel ashamed, much less being with me. He hugged him at waist height to bring him closer.

"Chris ...", Neil whispered, before being silenced again by a long kiss on the lips. It was a calm kiss, until they acquired the same passionate rhythm.

Chris's hands began to wander down Neil's back, feeling the fabric of the white shirt that had a faint lavender scent mixed with the natural scent of someone who now he considered much more than just a friend or colleague.

He kept stroking him, until one of his hands dared to stay on one of his buttocks. He couldn’t control it, the temptation to squeeze both buttocks was so immense that he ended up doing it.

“Ah!”, Neil shuddered in fright and broke off the kiss. His glasses almost fell on his partner's face.

"Sorry, lust beat me", Chris laughed, now he felt his cheeks flush.

"You scared me", Neil complained, and he felt Chris's hands on the same place again.

“You don’t like it?”

"I never said no", Neil kissed him again, and Chris gently squeezed his buttocks again. He couldn't deny that he was enjoying it, it was a strange pleasure that he had never felt before. To be honest they had never treated him that way, he used to be the one that always have to take control of the situation.

Now, he was realizing that he had never been entirely happy with the women he had dated and had a relationship with. Not because they were lousy girlfriends or he was a lousy boyfriend (indeed, they were the kindest people he had ever met), there had always been a latent feeling of insatiable emptiness, which could not be satisfied even with the sweetest words or the most tender caresses. No matter what happened, Neil had never felt completely free, that a part of him was being repressed but he didn’t understand what it was.

He was enjoying being petted by a man, even if they were still in all their clothes. And he wasn't with just any man, but with Chris Lowe: His best friend, the music composer, the twenty-two-year-old architecture student he had met at the electronics store on a Wednesday in August last year.

Neil Tennant, now twenty-eight years old, felt completely inexpert and without experience during the intimate moment they were having. Despite the fact that Chris was younger, his hands ran over his body and kissed him as if he had already experimented with many people.

“Well, he's handsome, smart and athletic, who wouldn't want to date him?”, Neil thought, until he felt a pair of fingers stroking him in the middle of his buttocks, over his clothes.

“Ahh!”, Neil's mind went blank and he couldn't suppress the moan that emerged from his mouth.

"Wow, what a cute sound", Chris laughed.

Neil's cheeks returned to the characteristic reddish tone of an embarrassed person, and the urge to cry invaded him as if the whole London city had heard him moaning and was looking at him.

"Stop making fun of me, will you?", Neil exclaimed and abruptly turned away from Chris and got up from the couch to get away as soon as possible.

“Hey, wait! I really have no intention of making you feel bad”, Chris Lowe followed him to the kitchen. He found him turning his back, his hands resting on the sink, mute and his head down.

"I'm serious, I'm sorry if I bothered you, Neil.", Chris stood next to him and dared to gently touch his shoulder.

Neil sighed, avoiding any eye contact.

"Sorry, I think I'm just really nervous", Neil apologized, and took off his glasses to quickly clean them with his tie.

"Oh, well, you shouldn't feel that way, much less being with me", Chris passed a hand through Neil's curly hair.

Neil just gasped again and added:

"It's hard for me to deal with things when there are so many emotions attacking me at the same time, I feel like I'm going to pass out, just like the time we got caught in the elevator and it almost gave me respiratory block." Neil seemed to speak alone at the end, not wanting to make eye contact with Chris.

"I understand...”

There was another awkward moment of silence.

"I really want to, Chris, but I don't feel one hundred percent sure yet," Neil confessed. “I'm still a virgin...”

The last sentence baffled the young student completely.

"But you said you had girlfriends before, I think you ceased being one a long time ago."

“I didn’t mean that. I mean, I've never been with a man before”.

"Oh ..." Chris agreed, this time, he was the one who looked away, “Well, I don't have much experience in the field of homosexual relations either.”

They fell silent again.

"I really want to, Chris," Neil murmured, looking to Chris’ eyes with a certain desire hidden in his words.

"Are you completely sure, Neil?", Chris Lowe asked, "We can do it another time, I don’t want to make things uncomfortable."

"I saw what you bought at the drugstore, before coming here," Neil said, with a slight air of complicity in his words and crossing his arms at chest height.

"I can't believe it, you found me out," Chris pretended to be embarrassed, though his cheeks flushed.

"I'm not so innocent as to believe you bought balloons and hands cream."

"And cough syrup," Chris added.

Both boys laughed for a while and then looked at each other, still smiling.

"We don't lose anything by trying", Chris commented, "Shall we go to your room?"

"Okay", Neil agreed and took a deep breath. The nerves became knots in the stomach with each step they took to get to his room.

In summary, he couldn't believe he was so close to doing something she'd never done before: Sleeping with someone of his same sex.

He turned on the light in the room.

“We all feel better in the dark”, Chris thought aloud.

"I don't want to do it blind either", Neil protested.

"Okay," Chris chuckled, and turned on the bedside table lamp as Neil turned off the main light in the room again.

Now, the place was dimly lit by a yellow light that gave a comforting air to the environment. Neil and Chris looked at each other again, this time, facing and analyzing each other from head to toe.

"I'm still nervous," Neil confessed, smiling faintly.

"Let me take the first step", Chris moved closer to Neil, grabbed his tie, and untied it in one swift motion.

"Where's what you bought?"

"In my jacket pockets", Chris pulled out a strip of condoms and a small bottle of lube and placed them on the table next to a book. Within seconds, he was already taking off his jacket and the wool sweater he was wearing. He left himself in a white T-shirt and felt fresher and more relieved.

Now he just wanted to strip Neil of every clothing he had on him and gaze at his naked body before making him his.

Neil unbuttoned his shirt as fast as his trembling hands allowed. When he finally did, he dropped it on the ground. He also had a white T-shirt like Chris's.

Chris Lowe grabbed Neil Tennant's shirt by the sides and pulled it up to remove it.

“Ah!”, Neil exclaimed in a groan. Chris looked at him, the shirt already wrapped around his partner's forearms, but his glasses were tilted to the side, about to fall off his face.

"At least you would have let me take them off...", Neil laughed and settled them back.

"Your eyes are so beautiful." Chris gently removed them and laid them folded on the table. His eyes dropped to Neil's torso to gaze at him. It was almost as he had imagined it: slim build, pale skin, a bit of chest hair, and brown nipples.

"Chris?" You're okay?”, from the point of view of the young man with blue eyes, his lover was gaping at him, grabbing him by the waist. Did he seem too weird to him shirtless? Was he uglier than he thought?

“You are beautiful!”, Chris exclaimed, and pushed him onto the bed with him. He started kissing him wildly, starting from the neck, down to the chest and sucking on one of the nipples.

“Chri… Ahhh!!”, Neil ended up moaning again, this time he didn't resist, "At least let's take off our shoes!", he asked.

"Sorry", Chris laughed, pulling away so Neil could take off his loafers. He also took off his sneakers and socks.

"Now we are ready." Neil leaned back on the bed and Chris stroked him again, this time calmly.

"You're so soft ..." said the younger one, and he stamped a few kisses on his stomach, he could feel Neil's muscles trembling. He raised his head so he could kiss Neil on the lips; he continued to explore with his hands until he touched his belt and unbuckled it. A sneaky hand unbuttoned his pants and unzipped it before reaching inside to stroke his member over his underwear.

"Chris!", Neil exclaimed and clung to him as he stroked him. A wave of heat spread throughout his body and a kind of electrifying burning was concentrated right where his partner was touching him.

"Take off your clothes", Chris asked, straightening up to take off his T-shirt and jeans.

"W-what?", Neil was shocked for a short time because of that order. His cheeks reddened as he realized his lover was already completely stripped of clothing. Chris had an almost slender figure, his legs and arms showed signs of musculature from playing sports in college and had more hair on his chest than he did. His member was erect and almost intimidating him, although the temptation to bring it to his mouth and suck it began to grow in him.

Neil heeded his request, pulled down his black pants to the ankles, and took them off along with the socks. Chris touched it again, taking it upon himself to snatch Neil's last remaining clothing to remove.

Finally, they were both naked, and sharing the same space. Shame invaded every part of Neil's body, and he covered his face before his blush increased to an already inhuman scale; he didn't want to know Chris's opinion regarding his body.

On the other hand, Chris was left with his mouth open, to the point that a thread of slime escaped his lips. Neil's penis was fully erect, wet at the tip, the base covered in hair slightly darker than his head’s hair.

"I never saw someone so beautiful until I met you", Chris whispered in his ear, and removed his hands from his face. He got on top of him, using his elbows to steady himself and not crush him.

"You are more than handsome", Neil replied, and smiled sheepishly. He had so many things to say at the time that his mind was not able to process them correctly. He saw Chris grabbing a condom from the strap and the bottle of lube.

Neil swallowed as he watched Chris wet the fingers of his left hand with the liquid. He was totally sure what would come next. They had not defined the roles verbally, it just seemed obvious who would be the asset and the liability one.

His poor sexual history and accumulated experience were completely useless now. What he was sure of was that it was going to hurt.

And a lot.

Chris's lips touched his gently as his fingers moved between his buttocks, massaging the part where his entrance was in circular movements, until he dared to insert one of his fingers into him.

The curly-haired young man shuddered and a soft moan caught between his lips. The stimulation was not as bad as he expected, he even began to feel small waves of pleasure running through his body. He bent his legs and spread them further when he felt that there were already two fingers inside him.

"I think you like it", Chris whispered as he broke the kiss, intensifying his finger movements a little more, just to see how Neil closed his eyes and shook his head to the side. He could hear some moans that he was trying to suppress. He ran a hand through his hair again and smiled.

The blankets on the bed were about to fall to the floor, the temperature of the room was not able to reduce the temperature of their burning bodies in the desire for intimacy. The yellow light from the lamp gave a comforting atmosphere, as well as lighting them.

Chris carefully removed his fingers. The excitement ran through his entire body as if he had been injected with some kind of drug that made him feel on the limits. He wanted Neil so much, it was not entirely new that the innocent fantasies of hugging and kissing him had turned into desires to have him in bed screaming his name frenziedly; drowning him in pure ecstasy and driving him crazy with pleasure… They were so pleasant (and to some degree sinful) those nights locked in the bathroom, giving himself pleasure, thinking about the one who at the time was only his friend.

And, now, those fantasies were becoming totally real.

"Shall we do it?", Neil's voice made Chris wake up from his own thoughts.

"If you want", Chris replied, "it's not mandatory."

"I can bear it ... I think", the young editor agreed.

"Okay", the architecture student smiled and kissed him on the cheek. He opened the small package and slid the condom down his erect member until it was completely covered. Afterwards, he put some lubricant on his dick.

"Put one on yours too, it wouldn't be fine to mess up the bed", Chris passed another condom to Neil.

"You're right", Neil straightened and put it on as well, “Wow, it is the first time that I will not be the one to put something inside...”

"You have so much to learn", Chris laughed, though his laugh was that of someone trying to hide his nervousness. The fear of something going wrong suddenly came over him. He couldn't deny that he had already been in both roles of being passive and active. However, he had a feeling that this was completely different.

He was completely sure that he was not in bed with anyone. He was with Neil, Neil Tennant, that boy who despite being older than him showed signs of becoming anxious about anything and trembling with his nervousness, with whom he felt he had more maturity and experience. He was the only one with whom he had felt full of energy, of being able to do the impossible to achieve anything, he had never experienced so many emotions by being with someone.

He positioned himself between his partner's legs, and held him by the hips.

"Relax, Neil, or it will hurt", he instructed, placing the tip of his member over his entrance.

The curly-haired young man took a deep, nervous breath and closed his eyes. Finally, he felt something cylindrical (much thicker than a finger or two) entering him slowly, stretching and tensing the muscles.

“Ahhhh…!”, Neil shouted in a shaky voice and squeezed the mattress cover. Every inch that entered him was more painful than the last one. He wanted to scream louder, to implore Chris to stop. However, he had been struck dumb by the confusing mix of stimuli that were intoxicating him like a freshly made cocktail.

In addition, neighbors could hear him and call the police about the scandal.

It was as if he split him in half with something that burned in the open fire. Maybe, for being his first time made it so painful and unbearable. Chris leaned in to take a closer look, fear and desire present in his lover's blue eyes. He moved his hips a little, not sure what rhythm he should take first. He went out a little and then went in, with movements from front to back.

"Don't stop, please, C-Chris…", Neil groaned the younger man's name, and hearing that made Chris shiver that gave him goose bumps all over his body.

Chris Lowe moved again, acquiring a rhythm that began to follow and accelerate as the minutes passed. He rested his head on Neil's left shoulder for a chance to tickle his neck with his lips. Also, he stroked his thighs while Neil's legs hugged him at waist height.

"Ah ... ah ...", the young editor's moans invaded his ears. A thin thread of tears ran down each eye until it fell down the neck. Chris kissed his cheeks to comfort him.

"I can't believe we're doing it", Neil whispered and hugged him too.

"I really love you, Neil", Chris slid one of his hands down Neil's abdomen until he reached his penis so he could jerk it off with movements as frantic as the penetration.

“I love you t… aaaahhh!!!”, Neil was unable to complete the sentence because of the moans that invaded his ability to speak. Chris was moving too fast that at any moment he could no longer hold on...

He felt as if an electric shock had hit him and traveled all over his body to make him explode. But he was still in one piece, losing his mind because of the sudden and uncontrolled orgasm that his partner had caused.

"Ahhh… damn it", Chris felt his orgasm take all his strength and the movements stopped completely. He rested his head on Neil's pecs to catch breath.

They were both trying to calm their breaths. Suddenly tears welled up in Neil's eyes, and Neil began to cry desperately.

“Are you okay?”, Chris freaked out and quickly withdrew from him, looking for traces of blood in case he had accidentally caused a tear.

No, fortunately, there was no physical damage.

Neil didn't answer, what's more, he hid his face in the pillow and continued crying with all his might.

Had he regretted it at the last moment? Were he ashamed to be doing it with someone of the same sex?

"Please, Neil", Chris was on the verge of tears as well. He hugged him and stamped several kisses on his bare shoulders until Neil turned to face him. His eyes were a little red and his breathing was heavy; he hugged Chris as if he was going to leave him if he didn't do something about it.

“Did it hurt?”, the younger one dared to ask.

"At the beginning...", Neil replied, trying not to sob anymore.

"You should have told me...”

"But I was enjoying it ..."

"R-really?"

"I've never felt so great in my life, Chris", Neil explained, and smiled a little, ". I've never felt so nervous and so free at the same time, I can finally stop pretending that I'm normal.”

"There's nothing wrong with this," Chris said, “. Let those who say that being homosexual is an abomination —a disgrace for this world so pure and straight— swallow cucumbers.”

Neil laughed.

"You know what I mean", Neil sat up to remove his condom, “do you want to stay tonight? We could take a shower...”

"I'd love to", Chris agreed, getting up too.

After a long and pleasant hot shower, they went back to bed and got under the covers. Neil loaned Chris clean clothes so that he could sleep more comfortably.

"Tonight is forever", Neil said, hugging Chris with all his might. The lights in the room were already off, the yellow light from the streetlight seeping in through the window, projected onto the floor.

"You don't know how happy I am now", Chris said, kissing him softly on the lips, "how lucky tomorrow is Saturday."

“Yes, we can continue with the recordings…”

"We have a great career ahead of us, Neil, there will come a time when we won't be able to get away because our fans will chase us", Chris said, and that made his partner laugh again.

"I love you so much, Chris", Neil said, and closed his eyes.

"And I love you too, Neil", Chris said, realizing that Neil didn't flinch, he concluded that he fell asleep very quickly. Subsequently, he also closed his eyes to rest.

He doubted that there were people happier than them at the time.


End file.
